Understanding Anger and Building Healthy Responses
When emotions are running high, it’s important to give yourself space to process. Recognize when things are out of control, take a step back, and find ways to calm down. Reach out for support if needed, and express yourself, whether through conversation or reflection.
This approach helps me regain clarity and move forward in a healthier way.
[A] ACCEPT
Accept that the moment is out of control or is dancing dangerously close to a point where everything could be destroyed in a matter of seconds. Whether you’re right or wrong, accept that the situation cannot be resolved in its current state, and your best course of action, as hard as it may be, is to stop talking.
[W] WITHDRAW
Now that you’ve recognized the situation is out of control and you are unable to constructively resolve the issue, it is time to withdraw from the incident to reduce the risk of making life-altering mistakes.
Do so calmly and respectfully. Let the other person know that you need a break to calm yourself and that it would be a good idea to return to this issue later. Do not storm off. Even if the other person is still aggressively trying to provoke you, leave as calm as possible. You’ve explained yourself, and it is now okay to exit.
[A] ALLEVIATE
After removing yourself from the intense situation, it is time to alleviate those strong emotions still coursing through you. As much as you think you can, you cannot think clearly and address the problem appropriately until you regain composure. There are a few different ways to do this:
- Take a shower
- Meditate
- Exercise
- Go for a walk
- Go for a drive
Note: Do not go for a drive if you are still in the heat of the moment. It is unsafe to drive for yourself and others when filled with intense anger. If you need to leave immediately, go for a walk. If you need to leave in a vehicle, do some breathing exercises or try TIP skills to ensure it is safe to do so.
[R] REACH
Reach out to a trusted member of your support network to talk, vent, or get advice. Expressing your feelings helps calm you as the intensity fades with your words.
Call a relative or friend who is not connected to the individual involved in the incident. Putting someone in the middle is unfair, and they may unintentionally escalate matters by sharing your words.
Ensure this is someone you trust fully.
Talking with a trusted person can offer a new perspective, helping you see the situation more rationally and reshaping your mindset. They may also validate your feelings and help you develop a plan for addressing similar issues in a healthier way.
This incident is something to explore with your therapist, but in the heat of the moment, they will most likely not be available.
Having a support network is crucial.
[E] EXPRESS
Once calm, reflect on what happened. Did you overreact? Due to your bipolar disorder, there is a good chance you did. While your emotions may have been justified, was your response? What about the other person—were they justified?
This isn’t about rehashing emotions but understanding the situation to prevent future outbursts.
If possible, respectfully express your feelings to the other person. Apologize for any mistakes made in the heat of the moment.
Honest expression and regret can help reduce the likelihood of similar incidents in the future.
Sometimes, you may not be able to—or should not—talk to the other person, but it is still important to express yourself. This can be done by talking to a trusted member of your support network or through self-reflection in your journal.
Reflection
Managing intense emotions takes time and effort, but by following these steps—accepting the situation, withdrawing when necessary, alleviating emotions, reaching out for support, and expressing yourself constructively—you can gain control and prevent further outbursts.
Remember, it’s a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Building awareness and using these strategies will help you navigate emotional challenges with more clarity and strength.